After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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