I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
