Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
