Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
