Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
