first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
