I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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