Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
