i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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