Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
