Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
