I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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