So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
