I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize