i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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