I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
