never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
