I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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