How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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