That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have tasted many bathrooms
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
