i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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