While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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