You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
