would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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