so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
