I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
