i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
