Barsexuality is the new black.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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