Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
