Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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