Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
