i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
