Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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