Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
