That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
