I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
