just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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