I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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