just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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