3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
