Just took my morning after pill in the library
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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