Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
