You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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