I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
