and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize