it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
