The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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