I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
