I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
