His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Farmville is her only friend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
