You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
