This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
