Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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