it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
