So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize