vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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