Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
