I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
