Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
