I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
