capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
