Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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