did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
