God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
