Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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