He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
