so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
how does that bad decision feel?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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