I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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