So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
