so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
