My nipple is on Facebook.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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