i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
