I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
