This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
