The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
