I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
