sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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