she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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