i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
