I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
